have been having a bout of depression for a few days now "loneliness so dark and hard it cracks the spine to even think of it the blues hit so hard they crack your ribs, snap your spine, splatter your brains on the ceiling, drive you to drink, love, trust and crawl." -aldhee rollins these bouts are coming more and more often. it is not like i wake up every day remembering how alone i am, but sometimes i do. but not to worry... i am not going to drink my way through this... not like i used to do... thank you to audreytot and shelatot for the 'one day at a time' thing. I had always thought it was corny, which it is... but it seems to work. You are right, do not say 'i am not drinking anymore,' eversince naman yata eh di ako talaga shot.. because you will go crazy. Just say 'I am not drinking tonight.'I will be back in a day or two... wednesday night i will have a review of lakehouse... y'all should stop by hydee's blogs (it is on my links) and welcome her back. ( i love you so much ***** )". the only one i can blame for my loneliness is myself. even if i could make myself believe that she did it to me, i wouldn't feel any better... she did not break my heart... i did.i don't know why i would do something this painful to myself... i wish i would stop.many days i wake up dead, put my face on and hit the door.everyone will leave you sometime..."alfred's rollins"people worry about kids playing violent video games or watching violent movies, but no one worries about kids listening to thousands, literaly thousands of songs about heartbreak, lonliness and despare...did i listen to pop music because i was miserable, or was i miserable because i listen to pop music?"- john cusac in the movie 'high fidelity' one of my favorites.along with the line, 'if you really wanted to mess me up, you should have gotten to me earlier!' Got to go for now...